Step 1: Climb a mountian. Step 2: Jump off.

Our Time Is Running Out♪

All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time

but today I've wasted away for today is on my mind

Now I can't care to worry

I'm feeling so lonely

Breaking apart all this love in my heart
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm feeling pretty down again.
Start seeing my councilor again next week

I'm getting assessed to see if I'm bipolar next week too.
If I'm not I'll be pretty surprised.
Alex quit his job a few weeks ago.
hmmmm.
I can't say much on the subject of Alex and I.
All i can really say is...
We haven't been in a good place lately.
I'm putting all the effort into this as I can
and I'm barely getting anything back

I'ts not fair.
=[

-Mar

Hard to say.

I was listening to this song,
really listening to the lyrics.
it reminded me of someone from my late past.
I highlighted the parts that stand out the most.
Life has taken a huge turn in the past month.
and it's all because of one person.
But I can't help but be okay with it.

The singer finished singing and she's walking out

The singer sheds a tear, her fear of falling out

And it's hard to say how I feel today

For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong

It's hard to say I miss you

Since you've been gone, it's not the same

My worries weigh the world, how I used to be

And everything, I'm cold, seems a plague in me

And it's hard to say how I feel today

For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong

It's hard to say I miss you

Since you've been gone, it's not the same

It's hard to say I held my tongue

It's hard to say if only

Since you've been gone, it's not the same

Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before

Worse than a fear it's the knife

And it's hard to say how I feel today

For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong

It's hard to say I miss you

Since you've been gone, it's not the same

It's hard to say I held my tongue

It's hard to say if only

Since you've been gone, I'm not the same

It's hard to say (God, it's hard to say)

Since you've been gone,

I'm not the same

Jimmy Sum eat 41 world.

I felt for sure last night

That once we said goodbye

No one else will know these lonely dreams

No one else will know that part of me

I'm still driving away

And I'm sorry every day

I won't always love these selfish things

I won't always live...

Not stopping...

whaaaaat do I think?
Drew's online.
Won't talk to me.
COOAL
i dun curr
fuck you too BUDDEH!

I was supposed to go to Quebec this Sunday
but BREAK AWAY TOURS is fucking dumb.
and they gave my seat away.

So i got reimbursed.

Alex and I are doing,
Not so well.
he thinks I'm lying all the time now.
because of an on going joke between Lloyd and I,

about thongs =/
I'm sure anyone can see how easily this could be taken the wrong way.
I meant nothing by it.
but I suffer for it I guess.

I don't understand;
One minuite he seems okay

then next he's telling me that
"he means nothing to me"
which couldn't
be farther from the truth.
I'm not sure if we'll get through this U.U
as redick' as it is.

I don't want this moment to ever end,
Where everything's nothing without you.
I'd wait here forever just to, to see you smile,
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.

Through it all, I've made my mistakes.
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words.

I want you to know,
With everything I won't let this go.
These words are my heart and soul.
I'll hold on to this moment, you know,
As I bleed my heart out to show,
And I won't let go.

-Mar

This is fine, i guess.

so I came onto this 'new post' page

with the intention of saying

it seems my readers are the enemy.

and just make a whole new blog all together.

perhaps now that I think of it, it would be a good idea.

get all the Kenzie and that out of this blog, even if it's from before

it's still poluting these pages.

I like that my blog get a reaction out of people

i guess?

even if that means making them see how i really feel about them

tha'ts how it should be anyway.

New thing,

New friends of my future,
i'm going to be brutally honest

if you can't handle that it'll save me time

that I would have wasted on being your friend

and then have a messy fight that ends up with us not speaking.
aka what's happening now.

you can put up walls for several reason:

to keep people out,

to see who will care enough to knock them down,

room to grow as a person,
safe from the pain of disappointment

etc etc
Or, you can decide that you can do all these things

with out walls

you can be who you want to be with out the restriction

of other people's opinions.

why care?

why care about anything or what anyone thinks

they don't like you

they might like you now

but they won't like you in a little while.

because of something they them selves did.

unless you are the problem

then. you should be exterminated.

the end.

This is retarded.

I feel like not eating.
for a long time.
what better a time to do such things

then now.

I didn't go to school today.

I was bothered by last night.

Also, I feel as thought I have to start a new blog.
because SOMEONE is going to be reading it

and then telling SOMEONE ELSE.
so this is probably going to be my last post on this blog
about anything deep down that is.
i might post random stupid shit
I don't even know.

I might not even make a new one.

All i can really say right now is

If you're that easily lead,
I don't want you in my life anyway
And I hope one day you look back and hate yourself

because you'll never meet someone like that

for as long as you live.

Break through the bias' of one sided stories.

contact people you would have never spoke to.

you find out a lot about people you thought you knew.
just keep in mind the other side is biased too.

Never have i been so wrong about anyone
In my whole 18 years here.

i have 4 years on my conscience to stand for that.
And I called you the best.
you never asked for that

I suppose that's why you don't even care.
goodbye.

-Mar

This is a good one.

I have been called many things in my life time of which only one I feel is true and that is that my belief in people is childlike. I always see the best in people, believe in their goodness only to have my heart broken when I find out that in fact this is not the case. Time and time again it happens, time and time again my heart is broken, I never learn, I always hope.
There comes a time when reality checks in, when a persons true colours shine through and one see’s them finally for who they really are. People always seem to walk this planet with alterer motives, their selfishness is personified, finding friends, true friends is trial and error.
In this world, as I have said before, you get 3 types of people – there is always three…
The first type are the MMM’s (me me me’s), they are the most common, they are inherently selfish, they do not take the time out of their lives to query whether a friend is ok, they are only interested in what you can give to them.
The second type are the G&T’s (give and takers), they are the ones that can give and take, there is a a medium if you will of give and take.
The third type are the GGG’s (give give giver’s), they are the ones that give all but expect nothing for themselves, they give selflessly and unconditionally.
My theory is that there are more type one people in this mad world which explains why in life you will come across them more on a day to day basis. The second type swings between the first and the third so they are more difficult to categorise but at the end of the day there are fewer of them. Now the third type are a rare species I find, I have only ever known a couple in my life time, sad as it is they are hard to find, but the fact is, when you find them they are like the blossom on a cloudy day.
Think about it, in reality there are no bad people, just people that make you feel more grateful for finding a GGG…

Face it, this is what we're up against.

I tried to be perfect

But nothing was worth it

I don’t believe it makes me real

I thought it’d be easy

But no one believes me

I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty

My thoughts are so tempting

I don’t know how it got so bad

Sometimes it’s so crazy

That nothing can save me

But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect

It just wasn’t worth it

Nothing could ever be so wrong

It’s hard to believe me

It never gets easy

I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

KB friends. < / 3

HIGH AS HAELL

Alex and I are sitting in the same room on two different computers. ~High
this is a conversation that took place on facebook between him and I:

12:20amMarlee
OH HAI
LONG TIME NO C!

12:20amAlex
I NO RIGHT
I burst out laughing
12:21amMarlee
I"M SO HIGH
Continue laughing
12:21amAlex
UR CORNY
ME 3

12:21amMarlee
I"M DYIN

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Pretty irritated at the moment,

despite the fact that i'm tired as hell

and my entire bottom jaw hurts,
i could have worked today
I could be at Needs, right now,
making money, but I'm not.
Do you know why I am not?

because when Ethan called me
to see if i could work today

I made up an excuse.
because despite the fact
that I was not allowed to go to Alex's today
I thought that maybe there was a chance
that he would come over today
and I was a total idiot

for thinking that today would be any different.

By all means it's not his fault at all.
I'm just a fool for thinking that maybe he would.
I get that there's not a whole lot to do at my house

but there's barely a difference between doing nothing at my house

and doing nothing at his.
after you rule out weed of course.

I guess for me it's about spending time with him

no matter what we're doing

and for him, well, it's more then that.
It seems to me that he'd rather be with MaryJane.

I don't mean to be clingy

and I'm not a clingy person

it's not in my character at all
I just wish my boyfriend was comfortable at my house.
and i feel like i'm doing something illegal talking about it

because I'm "making a big deal" out of it

and it seems like

expressing things that bother me is wrong.

We're getting into that stage

when the masks are coming off.
I feel like everything is in slow motion.
I may just go for a sleep.

I'm noticing a trend.
This is how my relationships work.
Boy really likes me.
I'm not really interested.
Boy tries for my hand a second, some times third time.

I decide to give Boy a chance.
I realize:
"Hey, i like this boy"
Boy gets a taste of the intense amount of affection
that i feel for the people that I do care about.
boy gets distant
Boy doesn't like me a lot anymore.
Etc, Etc.
=[

-Mar