All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Pretty irritated at the moment,

despite the fact that i'm tired as hell

and my entire bottom jaw hurts,
i could have worked today
I could be at Needs, right now,
making money, but I'm not.
Do you know why I am not?

because when Ethan called me
to see if i could work today

I made up an excuse.
because despite the fact
that I was not allowed to go to Alex's today
I thought that maybe there was a chance
that he would come over today
and I was a total idiot

for thinking that today would be any different.

By all means it's not his fault at all.
I'm just a fool for thinking that maybe he would.
I get that there's not a whole lot to do at my house

but there's barely a difference between doing nothing at my house

and doing nothing at his.
after you rule out weed of course.

I guess for me it's about spending time with him

no matter what we're doing

and for him, well, it's more then that.
It seems to me that he'd rather be with MaryJane.

I don't mean to be clingy

and I'm not a clingy person

it's not in my character at all
I just wish my boyfriend was comfortable at my house.
and i feel like i'm doing something illegal talking about it

because I'm "making a big deal" out of it

and it seems like

expressing things that bother me is wrong.

We're getting into that stage

when the masks are coming off.
I feel like everything is in slow motion.
I may just go for a sleep.

I'm noticing a trend.
This is how my relationships work.
Boy really likes me.
I'm not really interested.
Boy tries for my hand a second, some times third time.

I decide to give Boy a chance.
I realize:
"Hey, i like this boy"
Boy gets a taste of the intense amount of affection
that i feel for the people that I do care about.
boy gets distant
Boy doesn't like me a lot anymore.
Etc, Etc.
=[

-Mar