destroy something beautiful.

SO it took about four days

for [unrecognized name] to move on to a third girl.

I'm pretty disgusted with him

and disappointed with myself

for allowing him to get to me like this.

I'm pretty tired, I have a bit of homework for English

But I think I may nap.

Last night after Dave left

I didn't wan to leave

because then [unrecognized name] would be alone with her

and and I know what would have happened

and probably did,

despite him telling me otherwise.

I know I have to stop torturing myself like this!

I know i have to forget him,

and never talk to him again

But I can't!

I have no one else,

I'm thinking too much about the right now

not enough about the later.

-Mar

176$

Yeah that's all I have in my account now. U.U

I dyed my hair black

and it ruined my nails,

now I have to paint over them T.T

oh well, manicure is getting old looking anyway

good time for a change.

I have to choose from white or hot pink.

I think white.

I work at eight tomorrow morning.

well this morning really.

uhmmmmm

I'm going to have to wake up at six so i can get ready.

thinking about actually starting to wear makeup

Well, ther reason I stopped,

wasn't just because it's time consuming,

and I'm late for everything.

But because my makeup is shit

it wears off

and smudges onto my bottom lid.

BUT I'm going to start wearing it anyway

beucase i look ugly

and I don't like it.

SO,
nails tehn bed!

-Mar

Deranged piggie backs.

I don't know what exactly [unrecognized name] was triyng to prove here.

but it was a good laugh in the least.

Someone apparently made a comment about how I'm skinnier!

How I lost weight!

SOMEONE I DON"T EVEN KNOW!

which means it's significantly noticeable

I am quite pleased!
I'm off tomorrow,

then I have morning shifts on Saturday and sunday
this weekend will probably be alright.

I love that we have WiFi at work!

I can use my ipod all I want!
and be in MSN and all that jazzi-nuss!
I've grown quite fond of the group Ratatat
Old school rap has a place in my heart.
I dig, I dig.
I jsut had the sudden urge to watch that movie..
what's it called?
SHIT! now this is going to bug me!
BLAH forget it
I'm going to sleep!
-Mar

Very late shift.

Quite a bit to talk about

but so little time.
Long story short.
Emma and [unrecognized name] are no longer seeing each other apparently?

beucase people keep saying shit to Emma about [unrecognized name]

and she's sick of it?

Im not exactly sure.
things are getting weird.
I feel bad for [unrecognized name] but everything happens for a reason!
On the bright side I'm feeling better as of yesterday?
Well;

sense I got my iPod really. XD

I'm tired as shit;
Good night!

-Mar

▲

I'm on the phone.

Yerp.

the iPod touch has arrived.

i'm lovin it.

not Mc Donalds.

which I; by the way,

have eaten way too much of

in the past two days.

Twice yesterday and once today.

tsk tsk.

So there's a bit of turmoil involving

[unrecognized name] apparently saying stuff about me

and acting like I won't leave him alone

or like I'm obsessed with him

yet to me he's saying "I want you in my life"

blah blah.

Not exactly sure what to think

I confronted him about this

and he denied having said anyhting of the sort.

and Miranda Currie is the one

that spewed this information.

What do you do when two prevaricators

are telling you two stories

from the same event?

I also apparently tried to get on [unrecognized name]

But he turned me down.

APPARENTLY
I'm honestly considering messaging the Emma one

on facebook

asd asking her if what i am being told is true.

but this could leave to her asking me things

that I don't want to have to lie about.
hmmm.
this is a toughie.

-Mar

I need a vacation.

This weekend was nothing that I planned or hoped for.
She's a nice person. Don't really know her
but I'd definably get along with her.
She's a better version of me.
And more like him.
I can't compete.

I'm starting to think
why do people want to be around me

at all?
I'm getting depressed again.
when you start thinking about dieing

you've pretty much arrived.
I hate that I still love you so much.

And you'll never know even if i tried to explain.
-Mar

I'm holding onto this life and love and for
The possibility
You and me

Let me I need to find a way

To put this trouble behind us

Can't spend my life in shame

Making light of these dark days.

Who will drive my soul?

Who is this?

When your gone,
will I lose control?
your the only road I know
You show me where to go,
who will drive my soul?
-Mar =[

Sleep.

This is my bed where I sleep.

And slept all day untill 4pm.

I was too tired, had a headache and really sore teeth

so I stayed home.

Y'know those days, where you don't feel like getting out of bed

and getting ready to go out

brush your teeth

put on some clothes.

well that was me today.

the ony differance between me and you

is that I actually stay in bed.

It's almost two and I'm going to bed.
that's a first.
quite early for me.
hope it makes me less tired tomorrow.
I have a Globle Geo Test too. Hmm =/
-Mar

Downhearted.

It'd be really cool of everyone

if they could refrain from letting [unrecognized name] look at my facebook

from their accounts.
pretty sure i deleted him for a reason.

This evening was so bad.
I went to visit him and ended up hyperventilating.

and running into someone Else's car.
that I'm going to have to pay to fix.
love my life.
-Mar

This is not an obsession, I promise.

OK, I lie.

but atleast it's healthy.

Also I drank two XL DBLDBLS with in a one hour span today at school.
I was crashing hardcore by last period.
My Ipod Touch is on it's way also.
Uhm, I'm thinking about making vlogs, just because.
Today was pretty hard, My mood was terrable.
the weather wasn't so great and it's monday.
blah.

RELALY into Lights' she's like a female Owl City,
and everyone knows I love me some Owl City.
Savior is a relaly good song, very catchy.
Maybe I'm lame, but I'm pretty okay with it.
OJ FTW.
-Mar

Lights.

Pretty sure I lost all faith in humanity.

not that I ever really had faith in it.

I'm feeling anxious and fragile again

As often as I've been feelings this lately,

I'm never going to get used to it.

Not that I'd want to be but, I wish it didn't feel so bad.
Lights is my latest in music as of tonight.
Wrote the most relative lyric below from the song Saviour.
Click the title link for full song lyrics.
-Mar

It won´t ever change if you want it to stay the same
I really hate it but I know it´s hard to choose if you´re chained
And when it´s all you control cause you´ve got nothing less to hold
You´re getting tighter and tighter it´s getting harder to let it go

My hope Rock.

This is my hope rock.

every time I touch it

I think of something I my life that I am greatful for.

If I'm feeling negitive

it reminds me to think only of positive

because thoughts become things.

This evening I did the following:
▲Deleted Kyle from my MSN.
▲Blocked & deleted [unrecognized name] from my msn and facebook.
▲Said good bye to [unrecognized name];
Though I don't think he took it that way.
That's all.
My heart is on a pike.
-Mar

I’ve been dreaming such a long time
And I’ve been waiting for the sunshine
But all my friends they say I’m getting by with sleeping in
They say I’m sleeping in

You know whenever I try I want to get it right
But I distract my focus and blur my own sight
‘Cause I’ve convinced myself that my best can only come in the moonlight
And I keep sleeping in
I keep on sleeping in
And missing something

(Close your eyes before the daylight breaks)

There are things about me I just can’t ignore
I know I want to change and I see that door
On the other side daylight decides there will be war with sleeping in
Oh, I know they’ll be no more sleeping in

I wait, I wait, I wait only in jest
I wait, I wait, I wait with no need to rest I wait
“The day, the day, the day will come again,” I say
A ray of light can only get in if I say
I’ve been putting off this purification a rebirth
and a regeneration inside of me
And I’ve been saying “no” for far too long
even though something brand new is coming out of me

I’m going to wake up, wake up every morning and then decide
I’m going to wake up, wake up every morning and make it mine
Rain or shine

I wake, I wake, I wake and greet the day
The light is on the change is made I can see my way
The day, the day, this day has come again
Each ray of light will make its way into the core of me
I always knew that I was missing something
I know this time that I will leave nothing up to chance
And in the wake of this brand new day I see the light
and I feel the sun and I’ll do it all again tomorrow.

[lyrics are also in the title link.]

Melancholy.

Gotta love subway.
Hmm.
I'm cold and relatively upset for the moment.
also, some random person added me on msn.
Pretty sure it's actually someone that wants to mess with me
pretending to be someone else.
how annoying.
generally shows how standoffish I can be.

Came home at ten this evening because
I had no one to hang out with.
Pretty sure I'm going to exert my interests with Sims for the night
maybe do my laundry in between there some where.

Looks like it's going to be a while before I get my touch.
Apple is a dick
and they fail at doing the online sales thing.
I'm almost willing to pay 100 dollars more then I have to
just because I'm so impatient about getting my iPod.

Uhh, I forgot my glasses at work again.
how irritating.

Just for the record,
Most of my blog titles are links
so if you click the title It's going to take you to a website I want you to see.
so do that.
-Mar.

BUM.

I couldn't help myself.
Aaron and I laughed for a moment or ten.
Ended up not buying anything, saw Mary though;
had a nice chat about Bench jackets.
Not exactly my forte,
but she seemed pretty okay with having the same clothes as fifteen other people.
heh Mary,
hasn't changed, makes me happy.

Also, like a million other poeple have the blue sweater I got in Halifax.
All i can say in hte least

is that I'm never shopping at Garage ever again.
may as well shop in Antionish.

Didn't get to truro yet. saving that for the 18th.
Decided to get my hips.
think it'd look pretty bangin.

P.S.
Tastes like loogie.
-Mar

2 + 2 = 0.

I don't know who Joseph MacKenzie is

but this was in my math book

and it made me laugh.

There was a dance tonight.

In which I did not attend.

go figure.
No one to go with,
was too lazy to figure out plans to get there and back,
was way to tired for life,

and slept from 6 to 1 am.
Nothing too exciting today.
hopefully going to truro with Neil tomorrow;
hip microdermals / Snake bites?
you decide.

-Mar

Breakable.

Lately I am so fragile.

I do not like it at all.
-Mar.

Arachnophobia.

You want some of this bitch?
He lives in my bathtub, pretty decent sized too
he has an attitude it seems
so i was too scared to get a better picture
I didn’t want it to attack me.
I’m not sure how long a spider can survive with out food
but he’s been in there for a week and he still moves around.
I almost want to put him in a jar.
we’ll call him…
Spartagus.

-Mar.

I'm going to do this.

This is my latest blog.
Opened to my facebook contacts,
Twitter followers,
daily booth contacts
and anyone else that wishes to see what I'm up to.

I wanted to make a live journal
but I've been steady with Blogger
for a few years now
and I have no idea how to use livejournal
So here I am;
with my tenth blog on my blogger account;
Hopefully I'll keep this one up.

I set my comments to public.
Which means anyone can comment,
and I'm hoping for lots of comments;
as I will also communicate in my blogs
with people leaving comments.

So I'm hoping this goes well.
weather this blog gets attention or not
I'm going to continue posting
and taking photos and all that fun stuff
that it talks about in that article type thing.

So in terms of posting a picture every day,
I don't have a camera, jsut my cell phone so it will have to do.
that's relaly all I have to say right now.
I'm going to have my first post on later tonight.
with a picture. it shall be good.
depending on my mood at the time.
KB!


-Mar