POOP!

I'm currently in search of a new myspace profile layout

I came across this one which i really liked

but didn't want to use.it.

It's so tute!
-Mar

BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME EVER HANDS DOWN! D:

My blogs are getting more spaced out lately.

I find when I'm not depressed

I don't have much to write about.

I don't really care to write about happy stuff

for some reason.

Not that I'm happy.

Not that I'm not?

I'm just, normal as of lately.

Halloween is quickly approaching.

all the tacky Halloween costumes.....

DA FUCK?!?

A BUG WAS JUST CRAWLING ON MY FACE?!

ANYWAY!

Seeing all the tacky Halloween costumes at school today

made me remember how much i dislike Halloween.

maybe if people could actually successfully make

tasteful costumes

it'd be worth wile.

but nope. everyone sucks.

Can't say much for myself.

I am too lazy to do anything

so I'm out too.

I'm included in the suck fest.

EITHER WAY THOUGH.

I don’t work on the 31st,

so I’ma make some plans for tomorrow and the next day.

It appears that Alex has dibs aha.

WELL I cleaned my room quite a bit

Didn’t change my bed sheets yet I’ll do that tomorrow.

I’m gonna go to bed now

Goodnight world.

-Mar

Wonder why I'm so caught off guard, when we kiss.

Been enjoying the past few days

But is it at your expense?

I can't help but beat my self up

over something I'm afraid will happen.

the fact that I could prevent this.

knowing I'm not trying to.

-Makes me feel like a terrible person.

It's between:

Cutting ties now and saving the pain.

Or letting things go,

putting you at risk of a broken heart.

I don't want to be the one to blame.

I don't want to become the one you hate.

You are beginning to mean a lot;

I do think about you throughout the day.

and I do look forward to seeing you again.

Talking to you throughout the night.

But i know it's not the same.

It kills me to watch you hope for this

not knowing how things are going to go;

And quite frankly;

It Terrifies me.

But you know what hurts the most?

Devoting my time to getting close with someone

who could quit possibly neglect me

if I can't bring myself to feel the same.

If i take the time to get close with you,

I don't plan for a specific relationship

I just cherish the closeness I built over time.

Maybe this is wrong.

Maybe I'm a freak?

-Mar.

Happy mar day success.

HEI!

Soz for not posting in a few days.

I've been quite on the go

what with my 18th Birthday and all. =]
Went to Halifax today with Drew and Susan.
We met up with Carson and Kaitlyn.

Good times.

Smoked a little more tthen I'd of liked to in one day

but that's been a frequent occurrence as of late.
On my actual Birthday,
I went to susan's after school with aaron and Neil

then kadi came.
We hung around there for a bit.
Eventually susan and I met up with the rents

for Chinese fewd! NOMS!!!

I was given a Camera for the big day

and I baught a phone

which I dropped in a garbage can

at a Cafe' In halifax

and it ended up in a puddle of coffee.

The front keys won't work now.

I hate it anyway.

Got my weave too.
I'd be currently sewing it together

but I'm not. On the count of:

I don't have any thread T.T

BUT YEAH.
I'm at Drew's right now. Sitting alone in the living room

Drew and Susan are in his room with the kitten I brought him.
Ollie's her name.
hmm.
Tomorrow we're going back to the Nish
for drinks n such at Susan's
And To my demise I have to work 1-9 on Sunday.
then probably Hangskis with Alex on Monday or Sunday night.
IDK yet.
We'll see.
-Mar

LOL TY MATT FOR THIS AMAZING PICTURE.

tha'ts really All i have to say about that. LOL

I'm in a fairly sarcastin mood but in a good

humerus way.

Spent the past, little bit making mustaches and beards

fkin amazing fuhn.

Uhm, not a whole lot going on reallt.

excite for next weekend.

Also my fuckig phone randomly decided to stop working

So i can't text people.

I can receive texts but I can't send teh

So i'm looking into getting a new one.

SEW if yew text me and I don't reply.

That's why.

I'm gew bed I work 1-9 tmro YEUH

KB!

-#Mar

SERIOUSLY?

words can't really express how i feel right now

I have no idea what I would say

if he were here in front of me.

I've been doing well as you know;

for the past week and a half.
Today my progress was brought back a week.

Kenzie texted me saying:

"Ha ha i get to hang out with [Mark] before you you scrub"

[Mark] [not the guy's real name]

is a guy that I met while working with my mom

during the summer.

I thought he was a really nice guy and wanted to hang out with him.

I trend to make plans with him but i could tell he had very little,

if any, interest in the idea.

The first time I asked he said sure,
and ended up canceling on me an hour before.
the second and last time I asked

he said he would love to
but he didn't know when he could because of work and school.
Basically i took the hint and said it's in your hands then.
this was the last time I spoke to him.
which was a few weeks ago.

Now, come to find out;

the girl Kenzie is dating,, is friends with him.
it's upsetting that he's friends with someone like her

and he won't give me the time of day.

God knows what Kenzie told him.
I'm a little worried but at the same time I don't care

because I'm never going to have any sort of relationship with this person anyway.

The main thing that's upsetting to me

is how kenzie is so heartless towards me.
One of the last times we hung out

I had an anxiety attack that came in two waves.

I almost passed out twice

I was SO upset and bawling

and he was holding me telling me to breathe slowly

and telling me things were going to be okay.

Feeds me all this bull hsit about how He'll always care about me [not that I care]
but the fact that he said and did this

and then he takes every opertunity he can get

to hurt me.
while I'm trying to move on and heal from him.
Knowing, that I'm not in a healthy mental state,

knowing I've been going to counciling every week

for the past few months

he does this.

He has no shame

and i think that's what hurts the most.
I jsut want him to eave me alone for good.
-Mar

SUSAN'S MUH LOVA!

Hung out with susan today

Good times!

LOVE NEW FRIENDS.

make me feel gewd.

Hmm. I have to pee.

I just did my eyebrows.

nothing too exciting is happening as of late.

No mo drama!

which I like.
uhm. My birthday weekend should be WONDERFUL.
halifax + weave + Susan + Drew
+ Cake + DAF @ Susan's = WEEW
Susan and I are going to join the gym together!!
YAY
-Mar

I FKN H8 YEW! DX

I'm done, totally done.

no more bull shit about Kenzie.

He's fucking dead to me.

Hope he gets his fucking aids farmer preggo,

He came into my work today

I FLIPPED

not at him but after he left.

I wa slike WHY WOULD YOU COME HERE

and he was all cockey and like

Don't worry about it I'm not here to see you.

UHH that took the cake.

I seriously if he keeps doing stuff liek this

I will get a restraining order

then i won'tbe able to talk to him if i want to

and he won'tbe able to go to my work and stuff

to bother me.

Well I'm cold.

hopefully no more kenzie shit happens.

I seriously just want this to end

like I never met him.

-Mar

No picture.

holy shit

ok i'm uhm.

WELL

Kenzie had a thing of my blue hair dye

i asked for it back months ago

he didn'tknow where it was apparently

then he bleached his fugly girlfrien'd hair for her

and she has blue in it.

but oh, it's not my dye.

NOPE.

so i don't care, i jsut want 15 buck for my dye

and he won't pay.

What happeneed to the love we both knew, we both chased?

i feel like shit

my hair smells like coffee and ciggaretts.

I talked to Emma today IRL.

it was good

I made a friend

Kenzie's still scum

and his new little girlfrined

is a trashy slut.

so i guess he's got someone at his own level.

good for him.

-Mar

Dear Victim...

[my little old man]

I am observing much weakness in your appearance.

It took no time for him to get inside of you;

Inside of your head,

Inside of your being.

You don’t even know him.

Two years and I don’t even know him,

Until now.

Knowing this,

he will take immense advantage

of every ounce of your being.

Charm you with his deceptive, panegyric utterances.

and hold you accustom to the distorted ideas he leads you to believe.

I mustn’t give in.

I mustn’t throw myself into this turmoil again;

at the expense of your ignorant bliss.

Day by day, night after night.,

My progress builds.

As I adjust to my life without him causing me to destroy myself.

Becoming involved will only take me back

at the feet of Anxiety,

The strain of Hysteria,

and the brink of Insanity.

If this is that of love,

I die in sight of pain,

In sight of suffrage.

How can such emotion be expressed?

If not by the shrills of your deepest roots.

Brutally severed from your soul;

Disconnecting you from what had been content,

and is now nothing more than a melancholy basket case.

In fear there is hope,

In hope there is life,

In life there is death,

In death there is peace.

Chakara! TY SAM!

Sahasrara: The Crown Chakra

Sahasrara is generally considered to be the chakra of pure consciousness. Its role may be envisioned somewhat similarly to that of the pituitary gland, which secretes hormones to communicate to the rest of the endocrine system and also connects to the central nervous system via the hypothalamus. The thalamus is thought to have a key role in the physical basis of consciousness. Symbolized by a lotus with one thousand petals, it is located at the crown of the head. Sahasrara is represented by the colour violet and it involves such issues as inner wisdom and the death of the body. Sahasrara's inner aspect deals with the release of karma, physical action with meditation, mental action with universal consciousness and unity, and emotional action with "beingnness".[25]

[edit]Ajna: The Brow Chakra

Ajna (along with Bindu, is also known as the third eye chakra) is linked to the pineal gland which may inform a model of its envisioning. The pineal gland is a light sensitive gland that produces the hormone melatonin which regulates sleep and waking up. Ajna is symbolised by a lotus with two petals, and corresponds to the colour white, indigo or deep blue. Ajna's key issues involve balancing the higher & lower selves and trusting inner guidance. Ajna's inner aspect relates to the access of intuition. Emotionally, Ajna deals with clarity on an intuitive level.[26] (Note: some opine that the pineal and pituitary glands should be exchanged in their relationship to the Crown and Brow chakras, based on the description in Arthur Avalon's book onkundalini called Serpent Power or empirical research.)

[edit]Vishuddha: The Throat Chakra

Vishuddha (also Vishuddhi) may be understood as relating to communication and growth through expression. This chakra is paralleled to the thyroid, a gland that is also in the throat and which produces thyroid hormone, responsible for growth and maturation. Symbolised by a lotus with sixteen petals. Vishudda is characterized by the color light or pale blue, or turquoise. It governs such issues as self-expression and communication, as discussed above. Physically, Vishuddha governs communication, emotionally it governs independence, mentally it governs fluent thought, and spiritually, it governs a sense of security.[27]

[edit]Anahata: The Heart Chakra

Anahata, or Anahata-puri, or padma-sundara is related to the thymus, located in the chest. The thymus is an element of the immune system as well as being part of the endocrine system. It is the site of maturation of the T cells responsible for fending off disease and may be adversely affected by stress. Anahata is symbolised by a lotus flower with twelve petals. (See also heartmind). Anahata is related to the colours green or pink. Key issues involving Anahata involve complex emotions, compassion, tenderness, unconditional love, equilibrium, rejection and well being. Physically Anahata governs circulation, emotionally it governs unconditional love for the self and others, mentally it governs passion, and spiritually it governs devotion.[28]

[edit]Manipura: The Solar Plexus Chakra

Manipura or manipuraka is related to the metabolic and digestive systems. Manipura is believed to correspond to Islets of Langerhans,[29] which are groups of cells in the pancreas, as well as the outer adrenal glands and the adrenal cortex. These play a valuable role in digestion, the conversion of food matter into energy for the body. Symbolised by a lotus with ten petals. The colour that corresponds to Manipura is yellow. Key issues governed by Manipura are issues of personal power, fear, anxiety, opinion-formation, introversion, and transition from simple or base emotions to complex. Physically, Manipura governs digestion, mentally it governs personal power, emotionally it governs expansiveness, and spiritually, all matters of growth.[30]

[edit]Svadhisthana: The Sacral Chakra

Swadhisthana, Svadisthana or adhishthana is located in the sacrum (hence the name) and is considered to correspond to the testes or the ovaries that produce the various sex hormones involved in the reproductive cycle. Svadisthana is also considered to be related to, more generally, the genitourinary system and the adrenals. The Sacral Chakra is symbolized by a lotus with six petals, and corresponds to the colour orange. The key issues involving Svadisthana are relationships, violence, addictions, basic emotional needs, and pleasure. Physically, Svadisthana governs reproduction, mentally it governs creativity, emotionally it governs joy, and spiritually it governs enthusiasm.[31]

[edit]Muladhara: The Base Chakra

Muladhara or root chakra is related to instinct, security, survival and also to basic human potentiality. This centre is located in the region between the genitals and the anus. Although no endocrine organ is placed here, it is said to relate to the gonads and the adrenal medulla, responsible for the fight-or-flight response when survival is under threat. There is a muscle located in this region that controls ejaculation in the sexual act of the human male. A parallel is charted between the sperm cell and the ovum where the genetic code lies coiled and thekundalini. Muladhara is symbolized by a lotus with four petals and the colour red. Key issues involve sexuality, lust and obsession. Physically, Muladhara governs sexuality, mentally it governs stability, emotionally it governs sensuality, and spiritually it governs a sense of security.[32] Woodroffe also describes 7 head chakras (including Ajna and Sahasrara) in his other Indian text sources. Lowest to highest they are: Talu/Talana/Lalana, Ajna, Manas, Soma, Brahmarandra, Sri (inside Sahasrara), Sahasrara.

Slut.

my my.
I love finding out i spent two years dating a scum bag.

a few things happening.

Apparently my ex is a big slut now.

some times i like to fuck people I've known for a week too

I don't blame him.

[cough]

On a brighter note.

I contacted Emma.

apparently she was told that she shouldn't contact me

because I apparently hate her.

Wonder who told her that?

could it be a sertin boy

who diens't want two girls he's playing to find out the truth about him?

nahh.

I wonder if the current love of his life is going to enjoy all the lying

and cheating

and nude pictures he puts on hte internet of himself behind her back.

Just hope she knows her stuff

otherwise he's going to get away with it.
like he tried to do with me.

I don't play like that
you do hsit, I will find out

and i WILL get you back
that's a promise!

Emma and I will be speaking some time soon

I guess she really wanted to talk to me.
I'm considering asking her to go for coffee to tlak about this

I know i'll just drown her out with questions over MSN.
We'll see.
Shit's gonna fly.
-Mar

I could be so much more then this.

Does anyone see a trend?

Uhhhh

another bad night.

Words can not express how I feel.

I always hated cuddeling

now I'd do anything to cuddle with someone I care about

but there's no one I care about

that I'd want to cuddle wtih

so it' just like.

an empty unfulfillable want.

If I played sims.
and my sim felt the way I feel.

My sim would have such a low meter,

it'd be so red it'd be black.
Some times I like to draw out my meter thing

in real life
make bars for my hunger and energy, etc.
Yeah I'm weird like that.

I have a fucking cold.
fancy that.
I never get sick. Who got me sick?

When I find out who got me sick...

Oueeeeeeeee T.T
Sleep. I want to sleep forever.
I have counseling tomorrow at six.
good timing too.
Uhhhh I need some happiness.
I need new people in my life.

i need a FWB

I need my life to go back to grade 10 second term.
best time of my life.

and i just disregarded it.

I fucking hate you!
I hate that you did this to us.

We were happy
and you ruined it.

and you're a broken man now

because you cna't stop lieing,

and cheating,

and messing with people's heads,

and being a two faced piece of shit.

You don't even deserve anyone.

if it wasn't for fucking stupid despreat people like yourself,

you wouldn't have anyone.

I guess that means I was a stupid despreat person.

I'm beside myself about everything right now

Who am I what do i want?
I'm jsut spewing words.
word puke.

I'm pretty much writing every word

that comes to my mind.
I'm down. So down.
I have homework

but I don't have the will to even look at it.
I barely have the will to take out my contacts.
Someone help me please.
I cna't go on like this for mcuh longer.
-Mar =[