SERIOUSLY?

words can't really express how i feel right now

I have no idea what I would say

if he were here in front of me.

I've been doing well as you know;

for the past week and a half.
Today my progress was brought back a week.

Kenzie texted me saying:

"Ha ha i get to hang out with [Mark] before you you scrub"

[Mark] [not the guy's real name]

is a guy that I met while working with my mom

during the summer.

I thought he was a really nice guy and wanted to hang out with him.

I trend to make plans with him but i could tell he had very little,

if any, interest in the idea.

The first time I asked he said sure,
and ended up canceling on me an hour before.
the second and last time I asked

he said he would love to
but he didn't know when he could because of work and school.
Basically i took the hint and said it's in your hands then.
this was the last time I spoke to him.
which was a few weeks ago.

Now, come to find out;

the girl Kenzie is dating,, is friends with him.
it's upsetting that he's friends with someone like her

and he won't give me the time of day.

God knows what Kenzie told him.
I'm a little worried but at the same time I don't care

because I'm never going to have any sort of relationship with this person anyway.

The main thing that's upsetting to me

is how kenzie is so heartless towards me.
One of the last times we hung out

I had an anxiety attack that came in two waves.

I almost passed out twice

I was SO upset and bawling

and he was holding me telling me to breathe slowly

and telling me things were going to be okay.

Feeds me all this bull hsit about how He'll always care about me [not that I care]
but the fact that he said and did this

and then he takes every opertunity he can get

to hurt me.
while I'm trying to move on and heal from him.
Knowing, that I'm not in a healthy mental state,

knowing I've been going to counciling every week

for the past few months

he does this.

He has no shame

and i think that's what hurts the most.
I jsut want him to eave me alone for good.
-Mar